• Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Sundicators

The Best Sunscreen and Skin Protection Resource

  • KIDS
  • SPORTS ATHLETES
  • SPOTLESS AGING
    • MEN’S SKIN
  • ETHNIC SKIN
  • TATTOO PRESERVATION
  • DIRECTIONS

Personal Identity: Lost To Malignant Melanoma

August 1, 2015

personal identity lost to melanoma

Personal Identity: Lost To The Beast – Malignant Melanoma

Losing my personal identity to Malignant Melanoma did not end when I was told I was in remission. When I tell you that having Melanoma changed my life completely and forever, I mean it. Unfortunately, my Cancer diagnosis came with much more than the obvious surgeries. Those operations were just the physical aspects of fighting my disease, which on the surface is mostly all of what others see. The reality, however, is that they were only half the battle. The impact of my diagnosis that others could not see, was the mental anguish and trauma that came from the fear of dying, which was a very real possibility. That fear was my constant companion. It was always present, and even on a rare good day it was never far from the forefront of my mind. And along with it came the stress of unwanted physical changes to my body. Without a choice, I was forced to juggle these horrors simultaneously. And even today I still deal with the residual issues of my ordeal. If you’ve seen different videos of me on television, then you’ve witnessed the notable changes and fluctuations in my weight. I’ve had to learn how to accept my body for what it is, both good and bad. And while it took me a long time, I have. I’ll go into greater detail with my post-Cancer weight struggles in a future post.

The first time I’d realized that I’d lost my personal identity to Melanoma was when I’d found that I could no longer cope with my situation. I couldn’t get out of bed, and all I did was cry. I just couldn’t understand how I could be handed such a diagnosis. I was young, healthy and successful. I was on top of the world and nothing was going to bring me down…until that one unforeseen day when my entire world collapsed.

The medications I began taking to help me deal with my prognosis changed me, and not for the better. Anti-depressants can certainly be helpful to people. And I fully support whatever makes it easier for patients to live with their Cancer, while also maintaining their quality of life. And believe me, trying to preserve that quality of life is a struggle when you think you’re going to die.

My anti-depressants brought with them several additional problems. They included weight gain, loss of interest, an insatiable appetite, no energy, fogginess, tiredness, moodiness and even more anxiety. I couldn’t even do something as simple as getting myself to work on time anymore. My life as I’d known it was crumbling.

I felt like a zombie half the time, and I knew I needed to change that; I knew I had to try and live again. I forced myself to do things. Though not the physical things I used to enjoy, like working out. Everything I tried to do either was, or seemed like, a struggle, and as such I was really mad at my body. I felt like it had deceived me after I had for so long treated it like the temple it was. I gave up on my body; gave up on a lot. I avoided my friends and family. I kept everyone and everything I loved at arm’s length. I just didn’t want them to see me like that.

  • Meet The Blogger
  • Latest Posts

About Kerry Spindler

Kerry Spindler is a Melanoma survivor and celebrity fashion and beauty expert. She uses her experience in the fashion and beauty world to bring greater awareness to skin cancer and Melanoma.
  • Dogs are Skin Cancer Patients Best Friend - April 23, 2018
  • Vanishing Moles – Looks Can Be Deceiving - March 2, 2018
  • New Year Resolution: Healthy Skin and Sun Protection - January 15, 2018
  • A Guide to Skin Cancer and Melanoma - November 6, 2017
  • Autumn’s Arrival: Sun Safety Reminder - October 11, 2017
  • Students: Back to School Skin Protection - September 20, 2017
  • An Explosion of Skin Cancer Diagnosis in the 21st Century - July 24, 2017
  • Familial Malignant Melanoma: Family Tragedies - June 12, 2017
  • Melanoma Monday – May 1, 2017 and every Monday Thereafter… - May 1, 2017
  • Back to Basics About Melanoma - April 25, 2017
SHARE THIS POST
Pretty Pale Delivers Best Intentions For Skin Health »
« Surreal Experiences With Melanoma

RELATED

  • Dogs are cancer patients best friendDogs are Skin Cancer Patients Best Friend
  • vanishing molesVanishing Moles – Looks Can Be Deceiving
  • New Year's ResolutionNew Year Resolution: Healthy Skin and Sun Protection
  • coping with a terminal cancer diagnosisTerminal Cancer: Coping With This Diagnosis

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

JOIN THE LIST

FACEBOOK

TWITTER

Twitter feed is not available at the moment.

HEALTH TIP

Your Health Is Important to Us

ARCHIVES

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

CONTACT

INFO@SUNDICATORS.COM
1140 Saratoga St., Boston, MA 02128

ABOUT

Sundicators were created in 2012 by Pretty Pale, Inc.

501c3 Skin Cancer, Skin Health & Wellness and Melanoma Awareness Organization

SHOP

  • Shop Sundicators UV Sun Protection Products
  • Directions for Use
  • Shopping Cart
  • Log In
  • Terms

Copyright © 2023 SUNDICATORS